Thursday, April 14, 2011

Got a letter in the mail yesterday evening...

 I got a little bit of a surprise last night...

Dustin sat me down, pulled out a letter,  and said that we both needed to sign....I was a bit confused. He then explained that after we found out Lilah passed my sister was kind enough  to call a local funeral home for us. To tell you the truth, I would have never even thought about it. The last thing I wanted to think about was what we wanted to do with her when the time came.

I guess you have the option to make arrangements for your baby or leave them with the hospital. Every person needs to do what is right for them. I personally could never leave my baby with the hospital after we left. Luckily, my sister knew this. She  informed Dustin and planned ahead.

My sister thought it would be best to have her cremated. This way she will always be with us. Get this, apparently the owner of the funeral home wants to provide their service free of charge. How incredibly kind, but I was looking forward to signing her Birth Certificate, not a paper that allowed the funeral home to take her from the hospital. The moment I signed, the situation suddenly seemed more real. Because she is still with me and her sister, I feel like we still have a connection. I can't lie, I am so incredibly scared for "Birth Day." I don't want to let her go. I need to remember I will always have her in my heart.


  1. My heart aches for you. I know that "birthday" will be wonderful in one respect because you'll be meeting one daughter and bittersweet at the same time becauae you'll be saying goodbye to another.

    I'll be praying for you.

  2. I think about you all the time and have even filled my Mom in on "what one of the other June Mommas" is going through and gave her an update that you and your LO are doing great on my Sunday visit yesterday. I am so happy that all is well and that you are holding up, at least very well on the outside. I know it's got to be hard. You are so strong. So glad the FFN text was successful again and everything is going un-eventful for you!

  3. You continue to remain so strong and are an inspiration. Even though we only "know" each other through the bump, I am always keeping you in my thoughts. I can't imagine how hard this has been for you, and I am amazed at your ability to continue to stay positive and optimistic. I hope that baby A continues to progress well and I'll be checking back to see more pictures :)